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advertisement Ladies and Gentlemen we have a new Pope. Then again unless you have been living under a rock, in a cave, and without electricity you were probably already aware of this. But just in case you prefer the dark dank environment of a cave, the new Pope is Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger. As Pope his first duty is to choose a name. Traditionally Popes either choose their name after a saint who is the patron saint of a particular virtue or quality that they hold in high regard, or they choose the name of a Pope whose reign they respect and wish to emulate. Cardinal Ratzinger has chosen the name Pope Benedict XVI. Benedict seems an odd choice of names. When most of us hear the name Benedict the first thoughts that come to mind are either the famous traitor Benedict Arnold or eggs with hollandaise sauce. While I am sure the name is appropriate, I cannot help but think he could have chosen a better name. He could have found a name that would really connect with the people of today’s world, Catholics and non-Catholics alike. Let’s examine other Pope names he could have chosen: Pope Mitch - The Pope’s death along with several other high profile deaths unfortunately overshadowed the passing of a truly unique standup comic, Mitch Hedberg. His passing is a huge loss, and one that the standup comedy circuit will not replace anytime soon. However, since the Pope took away a lot of attention from Mitch’s death I feel that the Church owes him this and should pay tribute to him. Pope Lando II - Since the final installment of the second Star Wars trilogy is coming out this summer I think this would be a very appropriate name. Unfortunately there haven’t been any Saint Anakin’s or Pope Chewbaccas’s so this is really the best we can do. Besides, a cross promotion for Catholicism and Revenge of the Sith would be huge. It’s a win-win for all parties. Pope Rufus – Isn’t it time we pay a little homage to the thirteenth apostle? Pope Urban IX – Many accuse the Catholic Church of being archaic and not appealing to younger generations of Americans. I believe that this name would appeal to the hip-hop culture and the Church could potentially see an influx of younger patrons. Pope Constantine II – Whether or not you admit it, you are watching American Idol. One of the current front-runners of the competition is rocker Constantine Maroulis. How much more memorable would this new Pope be if he and the 2005 American Idol winner shared the same name? Pope Boniface X – First of all we have not had a Pope Boniface since 1404, so I think we are a little overdue. More importantly instead of going by Pope Boniface the Tenth, he could have the X pronounced as “X” like Malcom X. I think this could give both the Pope and the Catholic Church a little more edge for the new millennium. Pope Glunshallaich – To be honest I am a sucker for difficult to pronounce names, and when I came across Saint Glunshallaich I could not help but smile just thinking about how so many newscasters would just break down in tears trying to say this name. These are just something for the new Pope to consider. I am sure it is not too late for him to change his name if he wants to. After all he is the Pope. Who is going to tell him he can not? Now please pardon me while I hurry off my excommunication ceremony. |
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