Sexually Explicit Content Discovered in “Sin City” written by: Andrey Summers written on: 07/27/2005

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“Sin City”, Robert Rodriguez’ revolutionary cinematic opus based on the graphic novels of Frank Miller has come under scrutiny this week, after an unauthorized cut of the film edited by pirates appeared on the internet. 

The unauthorized, and illegal version of the picture allegedly includes a scene that was cut from the cinematic release, in which Rosario Dawson’s character, the sado-masochistic prostitute Gail, is seen topless.  The film-thieves, however, have taken this footage and edited it further to remove Gail’s panties as well, rendering her entirely naked.

Obviously, the blame for these actions rests on the shoulders of director Robert Rodriguez, who is the one responsible for filming and then fiendishly removing the footage that was edited by the pirates.   

“The man is sick,” stated avid anti-film activist Ron Gable, at a press conference Saturday, “Why would he have filmed the footage, if he did not intend for pirates operating outside the law to find it, and edit it to their own ends?  Give him the chair.”

“It is pornographic,” commented US Senator Hilary Clinton, herself a woman with breasts, “I cannot believe we live in a society where such filth is allowed to wash over our children like the soothing surf of Rio De Janeiro.”

In fact, Senator Clinton is not the first to come forward with concerns for the affects this crisis is having on our children.  Many parents have spoken out against Mr. Rodriguez, saying that when they purchased “Sin City” for their children, the last thing they intended was for them to be exposed to unwholesome material. 

Pressured by parents, and special-interest groups, the Motion Picture Association announced Monday that the official rating of “Sin City” will be bumped up from R or NC17, to X with stores such as Wal-Mart already refusing to distribute the title entirely. The United House of Representatives also voted unanimously for the Federal Trade Comission to begin inquiries about whether Robert Rodriguez and his company Troublemaker Studios intentionally filmed X-rated content for an R-rated motion picture. Possible penalties for such a transgression include the recall of every “Sin City” print, as well as the return of US$8.50 to every person who ever watched it.

Robert Rodriguez himself originally stated that the footage was faked entirely, and then fiendishly revised his story to what we now tentatively refer to as “the truth”, admitting that it was simply edited.  Evidently, he is not an honest man, and is responsible not only for the deteriorating mental stability of our children, but for every single problem with society in general.

“This is why!” honored anti-movie spokesman Ron Gable added Saturday. “This is why we need to stop the production of movies entirely!  Because they undermine our social order, in exchange for deviant, fetishist gratification.”

“They are a fulcrum for the unnatural.  And there’s nothing more unnatural than a naked body.”

We would also like to note that this tragic, incredibly significant story has not been blown out of proportion, and is in no way engineered to distract people from the Karl Rove scandal.